A Changed Mindset!

I stared at the array of letters and numbers in front of me.

Thinking of what to type next into the input box in order to generate the worst output in the history of Software Testing, I approached the far right of the keyboard and punched a 9. This was the first of the 10 digit number that I had intended on entering into the system- good enough to crash the program, embarass the developer, iron out the kinks and ultimately make a successful marketable product which could brin millions in revenue to the Company.

Yes, I am a software tester. After a rigourous 4 year programme popularly known as Engineering- I have finally secured a job with a dream company. I hate to boast but I am pretty good at my job.

I never faced any problem as far as my job was concerned.

But that day was different.

Quite shockingly my boss came and asked me a question which could have easily won me a million bucks, provided my boss was Mr. Bachchan.

What is Query Processing in a parellel Database, and please explain 2 methods to optimize it.

Oops!!!

Sure, I knew what subject this belonged to -Database Management System. But I had believed that the mugging up had ended there.

Now where did this question come from?

As I tried hiding my face- partly in disbelief that such a question could be asked , and partly in shame that I didnt know the answer- I heard a voice asking some person called Sid to Wake Up.

Thats when I shut my alarm and got up.

The calendar read 7th December- Eureka - The day of my Database management System Theory paper.

The rest was usual, a horrible nightmare gave way to a mediocre paper.

This is the average day in the life of an Engineer (especially when he is giving exams, or if he goes  to SPIT on a monday).

That day I thought, 'Was it a waste to rote learn the entire syllabus and then just vomit it out in the paper.?'

It struck me that this knowledge was not here to stay, since I had already forgotten most of the concept on the way back home.

Something needed to be done. Someting radical.

My prayers were soon answered . '3 Idiots' had been released.
Many would call it a biopic on engineers. I would totally agree with them.

Finally, there was someone who actually went all out to tell the people about the pressures of a student (specifically engineers). It also showed that rote learning never got the person anywhere, because he would ultimately get raped (see Balatkar).
The best part, the education fraternity realized the need for a change in the system.

Truly, the mindset had Changed!

After the exams ended, we were off to North India for our Industrial Visit. The trip was full of singing songs and saying dialogues from the iconic flick. We also killed boredom with an impression of the famous American accented speech which made every Indian laugh.

When we got back, college had begun. We all geared up to spend another semester wasting time trying to swallow the Techmax and various class notes at appropriate times in an attempt to SOS(save our scores).

But as we saw, "Padhai karne ka isshtyle change ho gaya tha".
Things seemed a bit more relaxed. With college professors encouraging us to spend some of our brains on research and development. Some subject definitions were modified to suit the college goal of making 'REAL' engineers.

I truly believe that this is the right way to go. Cheers to the new system. And I hope that this system is implemented in all colleges in all streams.

Lets see this as a plan to make a better India. A smart India. A prosperous India

Stupidity

I enjoy watching TV- well, not the news or documentaries, but any random sitcom that airs on Star World or Zee Cafe. As far as my memory goes, the only thing that compelled me to tune into a news channel was the 26th Nov attacks..... and my era of watching live news began.

I wouldn't say that I love reading the news- yeah, the only discovery that was made recently was a deadly virus- swine flu. An elderly lady had been stabbed to death in her own house, that too in broad daylight, and there was a constant war of words between Indian, American and Pakistani ministers. Where did all the good things in life vanish???

Even news can be so depressing - talk about bitter truth.

Anyways, I few days back I managed to wake up early and get my hands on the newspaper before anyone else in the house could. I went straight to Mumbai Mirror- not for the news , duh. I wanted to check out some gadget deals.

However, my eyes instantly fell on the frontpage of the mirror. HORROR!!! 'Man dupes people of 50 lakh rupees by claiming to be Gandhi's close aide'. Along with the article was a Times of India paper clipping dated August 1945, which had been modified by the 'Computer Engineer' conman using a pirated version of the Photoshop. It showed the 29 year old man casually putting his arm around the neck of the 1869 born Father of the nation and posing for the camera for an election campaign. More so, he even had a picture with the head of the Indian National Army -Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose.

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former."
-- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

This quote from another great man from the same period of the above 2 leaders clearly compares the phenomenon (guess thats the right word) with the vastness of the infinite universe.

62 years have passed since our independance, and still we dont have the slightest idea about the people who have fought for our current status. Well, everything else aside, people have become so blind that they cannot spot a simple date on the newspaper clipping that is shown to them?

We all have seen an episode or 2 of a show on channel V known as V I.Q or General Knowledge, where the awareness of the average Indian is comically displayed to the national audience. People are singing Vande Mataram as the national anthem, calling the dodo our national animal/ bird (yeah that a confusion too ...), and apparently no one seems to know who is Dr. Manmohan Singh or Prathibha Patil. Taj Mahal was build by DLF, and Qutub minar is in Kanyakumari.Red fort is actually grey, and Tamil is same as Telegu.

Sure, everyone knows SRK, Sachin, Hrithik and ofcourse AB (maybe bcoz they have more visibility.... but that doesnt mean that the Indians have a short term memory loss problem)

To be honest, the awareness of the average Indian is not more than the people who were sitting in the Kodak Theatre and rose to a rhythmic 'Om mangalam' in a recent bollywood masala flick.
Well agreed- in a country of 1.2 Billion citizens of various faiths, cultures, and backgrounds there might be a little bit of cognitive overload, but everyone is expected to know that A.R Rahman is not the original writer and composer of the national song.


Lets take the occassion of the upcoming Independance Day (15th August by the way) and learn something about our country.

10 metres

A few years back I took a holiday to Dubai with my parents.
I was in the Ninth grade and very eager to see the single building which housed the supermarket, Theater, Food court and car parking. The concept of a MALL was not established in India thanks to the absence of the same. So i got out of the hotel lobby and raised my right hand to summon a cab ( they drive on the opposite side of the road). The Toyota Camry with a yellow triangular prism on its roof with the word ‘TAXI’ printed on it suddenly stopped in front of me.

We got in.

As I sat inside admiring the inside of the vehicle which was considered to be a rich man’s luxury saloon, the driver took a note of us. From the colour of his skin we knew he was also from the Subcontinent and i think he got the clue about us too.
He asked , ” Are you from Karachi ?”

My father said , ” No , Mumbai.”

I was skeptical about what would happen next. Would he ask us to leave. Or would he just throw us out from the moving cab. But my fears were soon put to rest when he replied

” Oh , Mumbai ! People look very similar in Karachi also.
I am from Lahore.”

His voice had a certain calmness considering he was talking to a person whose country had been in an on-off war state with his country for about 50 long years.

Well, u couldn’t blame me. I had never met a Pakistani before and having watched the extensive media coverage of the terrorist attacks I would have expected a much violent reply, to say the least.
More so, whenever a Cricket match was played between the two, every six or wicket would result in a big uproar in various parts of the world making it audible from the Moon.

That was my first interaction with a Pakistani.
I wouldn’t say that it was a very negative experience.

Time passed, and although I did not really forget this event, i did not put much focus on this.
Sure, there were bomb blasts and trains burnt with alleged Pakistani support, but the ‘ Chalta hai ‘ attitude was catalytic in helping people forgetting it. All this happened till the rich and famous were targeted and gunned down in one of the most posh and luxurious hotels in the country. The people – public and government suddenly woke up with vigour with a set of ministers running all over the country meeting the victims and trying to find out who was responsible.

Once again Pakistan entered the spotlight.

We all know the dreaded day – 26th November, 2008.

Terrorists entered the busiest railway station in the city, the most expensive hotel in the city, frequented by the hot shots of the financial capital of India and across the world. They fired at the civilians and pedestrians without any remorse and watched them die with a smile across their face.

The Government did claim to have found unquestionable evidence about the involvement of Pakistani Government, ISI, and various terrorist organizations. Immediately i was reminded about my interaction with the Cabbie in Dubai.
A couple of months later, I went on a trip organized by the IEEE committee. We spent a few days in Amritsar and then visited the Wagha Border- connecting Amritsar to Lahore.

We walked through a road which gave us a clear indication that if we continued beyond a certain limit, we might actually be behind ‘enemy lines’.

At the border we saw a rather spectacular show by the Border Security Force (BSF) as they marched across the road towards the dual set of gates that separated India from its biggest enemy. The gates were opened, trumpets were blown and people danced on the street. If they hadn’t been told to shout praises for their own country, I am sure each one from either side of the border would have yelled the lungs out screaming abuses at one another. Never before in my life had i felt so Indian.

After what i would say was a ‘ back to the roots ‘ experience, the gates were closed and people were allowed to click pictures with the BSF jawans with the border in the background. After that we were allowed to go as close as 5 meters from the gate which had the letters ‘INDIA’ both in English and Devanagari script.

After this gate, that marked the end of India, was about 10 meters of land which belonged to neither and then a gate which had ‘PAKISTAN’ in English and Persian script.

At that point i was forced to think.
On 14th August,1947 Pakistan got its independence followed by India on the following day. That meant that each country could boast of 62 years of freedom.
But could either side boast of peace from across the border for even 1 percent of that freedom period???

So many lives had been lost, so much innocent blood had been bled, so many children had been orphaned, people lost all their belongings and became homeless, fled from both sides of the ‘Border’- all for just 10 meters of ‘No- mans-land’. Even 62 years after the British have left the subcontinent , we still cant do away with their simplest and most fundamental way of gaining control over us ( via ‘Divide and Rule’)
Gandhi , Jinnah and their associates have been fighting using their methods to prove their respective points. And frankly , I felt that they wasted all their time if all they achieved was a small piece of land , dividing us, which no one could use.
There are chances that when in a foreign country, one might not be able to distinguish between an Indian and a Pakistani. They look the same , have the same mentality and line of thought, the same feelings , similar language and the similar culture. So as it turns out it is only the 10 meters of land that separates us.

WHAT A WASTE!!!

Most of the people who actually run the landmass on the other side of the LoC were actually born on present day Indian soil. Like wise the some of the people who currently hold the Government posts in ‘Hindustan’ were actually born in current day Pakistan.

Today, every terrorist attack is seen as a form of communal violence. Terrorists are created by arousing brotherhood towards people of the same religion. Just because I am Hindu or Muslim, it should not matter to anyone. Its a personal choice in a free democratic republic.

Is is really justified?

Ancestro-Idiocrasy

“Do u think that Varun Gandhi should be allowed to contest election?”

Ans: ” No I think he is spoiling the name of the Gandhi’s. After all he is from the family of Indira Gandhi and Mahatma Gandhi”

Well in a country of about 1.1 BILLION official citizens, we still feel that people with the same surname are each others blood relatives. Well, if u go back to the beginning, we all started from 2 people- Adam and Eve. In that case, all of us are blood relatives. Sure, the whites from USA and the blacks from AFRICA, and the browns and yellows from ASIA are of course all related.

But anyways, in todays world, it seems that they take it for granted that I am related to the bollywood car designer Dilip Chhabria. Its frustrating sometimes.
Did I ask any Chawla, whether her aunt went upto the moon?
Did I ask a Murthy to get me a Software job?
Did I ask any Mirza, if her sister plays tennis for India?
Did I not abuse Saddam in front of a Hussein?
Did I ask any Ibrahim for stolen gold and money?
Did I not protest against the Iraq war in front of a Bush?
Did I ask any Singh to teach me how to spin the cricket ball?
Did I ask a Khan to invite all his uncles to my Party?
Did I ask a Kapoor to get me to meet his cousin’s supermodel girlfriend?

DID I ?

Then why do I have to face this? I just dont get it.

I do believe in the Six Degrees Of Separation (see: Six Degrees ) but that does not mean that we have this connection by means of the same Surname. I mean the Indian Diaspora is spread out so much that anyone we know could be more related to someone from a different country, different citizenship, different ethinicity.
Thank god that this ‘Idiocrasy’ is limited only to surnames. What if the people started relating people according to names. Imagine the confusion. Every Sachin would be flanked by cricket fans, asking for autographs. Every Dawood would have to be arrested for being in the family of a don. Every Osama would be hunted down by the FBI, CIA, MI6, etc . And all related names would also be eyed with suspicion (I would say …Obama is really lucky!!!) . And Mohammad would have the biggest family tree in the world.

Well, we must understand. There are about 6 billion humans on this Earth. Each one as different as their finger-prints and just as equal as their basic anatomy. What then is the use in grouping people according to their names and surnames and dividing them in the name of colour, religion and other meaningless grounds.

On a less lighter note, let us strive to make the place a better place to live in. Where each one is equal and respected. And thus the planet can be a much more livable place.

Angrezi Misuse

‘English is a very funny language’

This is one sentence that every teacher uses in her class, but for different reasons. The English teacher uses it to make her subject more interesting. The Hindi teacher uses it to ridicule the defacto world language. Well, other subject teachers also use it, but that’s only when they don’t know the pronunciation, or perhaps they had the ’sleep of tongue’.

What ever the reason … I am sure you have heard this sentence hundreds of times.

Statistics show that this sentence is used only in countries where the people have bad (and i mean really bad ) grammar. Oh yeah, how else would they be exposed to the funnier side of the language which has tortured me for what seemed to be like a lifetime.

Indian people seem to believe that they have the liberty to place a ‘a’, ‘the’, and ‘na’ where ever they want. Why then have they got a reputation of being miser ????????

• “hey dude, I have to go to a party , but I dont want to go alone. Please give me a company na “Dude, Sorry I cant give u the company because it belongs to my father. Will have to ask him first.
• “Hey, you are coming to college, na?”Do you even want me to answer that? If yes …WHAT ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY???
• “sorry dude, my bad.”huh?what are u talking about ? bad what? isn’t it a freaking ADJECTIVE??? you are supposed to DESCRIBE something. DESCRIBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!

Well agreed, there is a serious problem with English in my country. But should we really try and improve our English or actually go ahead and explain that the true meaning of our English has much more depth than the comparatively shallow Brit English which only has a snobbish accent. It wouldn’t be the first time that this has happened.

It happened in 1590-1591 when this seemingly crazy English guy came up with his own English and became one of the most famous playwrights in the history of mankind.Making a big mess of his own language was successful in bringing him the title of ‘Sir’.

Wow, this could be the next level of global exposure to Indians. They are not supposed to make sense anyways, the perception depends on the reader. So be it……!!!!!!
There could be a modified English for every state of this diverse country

• Maharashtraian English
• Gujarati English
• Goan English
• Karnataka English
• Tamil English
• Punjabi English

And the best of the lot

‘BIHARI ENGLISH’ or Yadavian English….