Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Monday, June 22, 2009

Ancestro-Idiocrasy

“Do u think that Varun Gandhi should be allowed to contest election?”

Ans: ” No I think he is spoiling the name of the Gandhi’s. After all he is from the family of Indira Gandhi and Mahatma Gandhi”

Well in a country of about 1.1 BILLION official citizens, we still feel that people with the same surname are each others blood relatives. Well, if u go back to the beginning, we all started from 2 people- Adam and Eve. In that case, all of us are blood relatives. Sure, the whites from USA and the blacks from AFRICA, and the browns and yellows from ASIA are of course all related.

But anyways, in todays world, it seems that they take it for granted that I am related to the bollywood car designer Dilip Chhabria. Its frustrating sometimes.
Did I ask any Chawla, whether her aunt went upto the moon?
Did I ask a Murthy to get me a Software job?
Did I ask any Mirza, if her sister plays tennis for India?
Did I not abuse Saddam in front of a Hussein?
Did I ask any Ibrahim for stolen gold and money?
Did I not protest against the Iraq war in front of a Bush?
Did I ask any Singh to teach me how to spin the cricket ball?
Did I ask a Khan to invite all his uncles to my Party?
Did I ask a Kapoor to get me to meet his cousin’s supermodel girlfriend?

DID I ?

Then why do I have to face this? I just dont get it.

I do believe in the Six Degrees Of Separation (see: Six Degrees ) but that does not mean that we have this connection by means of the same Surname. I mean the Indian Diaspora is spread out so much that anyone we know could be more related to someone from a different country, different citizenship, different ethinicity.
Thank god that this ‘Idiocrasy’ is limited only to surnames. What if the people started relating people according to names. Imagine the confusion. Every Sachin would be flanked by cricket fans, asking for autographs. Every Dawood would have to be arrested for being in the family of a don. Every Osama would be hunted down by the FBI, CIA, MI6, etc . And all related names would also be eyed with suspicion (I would say …Obama is really lucky!!!) . And Mohammad would have the biggest family tree in the world.

Well, we must understand. There are about 6 billion humans on this Earth. Each one as different as their finger-prints and just as equal as their basic anatomy. What then is the use in grouping people according to their names and surnames and dividing them in the name of colour, religion and other meaningless grounds.

On a less lighter note, let us strive to make the place a better place to live in. Where each one is equal and respected. And thus the planet can be a much more livable place.

Angrezi Misuse

‘English is a very funny language’

This is one sentence that every teacher uses in her class, but for different reasons. The English teacher uses it to make her subject more interesting. The Hindi teacher uses it to ridicule the defacto world language. Well, other subject teachers also use it, but that’s only when they don’t know the pronunciation, or perhaps they had the ’sleep of tongue’.

What ever the reason … I am sure you have heard this sentence hundreds of times.

Statistics show that this sentence is used only in countries where the people have bad (and i mean really bad ) grammar. Oh yeah, how else would they be exposed to the funnier side of the language which has tortured me for what seemed to be like a lifetime.

Indian people seem to believe that they have the liberty to place a ‘a’, ‘the’, and ‘na’ where ever they want. Why then have they got a reputation of being miser ????????

  • “hey dude, I have to go to a party , but I dont want to go alone. Please give me a company na “Dude, Sorry I cant give u the company because it belongs to my father. Will have to ask him first.
  • “Hey, you are coming to college, na?”Do you even want me to answer that? If yes …WHAT ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY???
  • “sorry dude, my bad.”huh?what are u talking about ? bad what? isn’t it a freaking ADJECTIVE??? you are supposed to DESCRIBE something. DESCRIBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! argh!!!!!!

Well agreed, there is a serious problem with English in my country. But should we really try and improve our English or actually go ahead and explain that the true meaning of our English has much more depth than the comparatively shallow Brit English which only has a snobbish accent. It wouldn’t be the first time that this has happened.

It happened in 1590-1591 when this seemingly crazy English guy came up with his own English and became one of the most famous playwrights in the history of mankind.Making a big mess of his own language was successful in bringing him the title of ‘Sir’.

Wow, this could be the next level of global exposure to Indians. They are not supposed to make sense anyways, the perception depends on the reader. So be it……!!!!!!
There could be a modified English for every state of this diverse country

  • Maharashtraian English
  • Gujarati English
  • Goan English
  • Karnataka English
  • Tamil English
  • Punjabi English

And the best of the lot

‘BIHARI ENGLISH’ or Yadavian English….